Why I’m Running Away from My Problems (And Sharing a Secret)
From the Substack Previously Known as This Naked Mama is Self-Editing
New Look, Same Great Taste
You may have noticed some changes over the last few months:
My website The Naked Page has been coiffed with a feminine redo. Check it out here.
I self-published Burn Your Journal, one of the four books I wrote in 2019 but wasn’t able to edit due to COVID. It’s now on Amazon for only $4.97.
I’ve rethemed my Substack from This Naked Mama is Self-Editing to Running Away From My Problems.
Originally my Substack This Naked Mama… was an extension of my website The Naked Page, which focuses on self-editing strategies. But despite all my recent upgrades, I just wasn’t feeling it.
A family secret was revealed to me (has this ever happened to you?! Please tell me I’m not the only one digging my way out of hell after some secret exploded all over the place) leaving me in the center of a two-month-long battle with rage and anxiety. This is so hard to detail, but since I advocate crafting personal narratives to find your voice, make meaning, and connect to an audience, I can’t not mention it. Or my absence.
Writing our truths is a little like therapy, isn’t it? Okay, maybe a lot like therapy.
Out With It
**Trigger Warning for a mention of sexual assault.
*Sigh* I was frozen on Substack for months because I was busy writing personal letters to family members alerting them to a sexual predator in our midst. There I said it. Learning the truth lit some kind of fire in me. I refused to be quiet about the heinous acts no matter what it cost me. So, I wrote letter after letter despite my panic-inducing anxiety which meant I didn’t have any juice left over for my regular writing.
I took all my skills from memoir writing and used them to craft letters to people in the family so they could protect themselves and the vulnerable people around them.
While I was determined to out the m*#$%^f$%^^&*@! who perpetrated these acts (I may still be a little angry) so he wouldn’t be able to harm anyone else, the situation took an immense toll on my mental, emotional, and spiritual wellbeing. The panic attacks were so bad on a few occasions, I was unable to drive. I also began having nightmares of this sicko coming to find me, which of course compromised my already compromised perimenopausal sleep. You’d think the double negative in sleep deprivation would allow me to sleep more soundly, but no, it just made things worse. There were fights with my husband, fears over how this stuff might affect my daughter, a general loss of trust, and a sense of betrayal.
Never in my life did I think I’d have to pen letters that stated “Your ____________ is a child molester.”
But that’s exactly what I wrote.
Double Betrayal
The icing on the cake. We spoke to one family member—someone whose work is in the nonprofit sector for supporting victims of trauma and abuse, in other words, someone I expected to be a supportive ally—who flat-out refused to hear the truth of this situation. It was shocking and felt like another layer of betrayal when this person dismissed the realities of the crime. So, on top of dealing with the fallout of the original revelation, we had to shield ourselves from classic denial and a good ol’ fashion victim-blaming session, too. Yum! It’s like just desserts for the I Can’t Believe This Is Happening Crowd!
But dropping the sarcasm (which is really, really hard to do when you’re opening up about terrible experiences), I’m now keenly aware of why survivors don’t come forward. It’s not always out of fear of retribution from the perpetrators but quite often the fear of being disbelieved by trusted family members and friends.
Who wants to be shamed after being assaulted?
The abuse that’s heaped onto survivors after they actually survive is nearly as bad as the initial assault. Why does our society continue to do this?
While I’m not the victim of this assault, my need to speak truth to power has exacerbated some of my issues. This news hasn’t helped my chronic health issues. But it has been the catalyst for me to enter emergency therapy, start EMDR, take up daily meditations/breathwork, and do more yoga. I also re-entered the 12-Step Program Adult Children of Alcoholics (now being renamed to include dysfunctional families—just in time!).
Maybe one day I can write about this situation in more detail, but I want to ensure I glean my own story from all the chaos first. I also want to wait until I feel like I can do more than spew pure rage on the page.
Enter Fun
Due to this bomb being detonated in my life, I decided to change things up a bit.
While I’ll always be committed to the writing process and more specifically self-editing, I needed to pull myself out of this living nightmare. Enter fun. My husband and I started to reminisce about how much we used to love to travel. So we figured, hey why can’t we travel more locally and live like we’re constantly investigating new excursions? To get back to the days of posting on social media when I was a flight attendant or when he and I would just run off to some interesting weekend destination.
And that’s when it hit me, I should be Running Away From My Problems.
It may or may not be a pattern in my life. I mean, yes, I have careened through three marriages and four different career changes by 40. While some people may think of all my adventures as a string of failures, I’ve always thought, “Why simmer in shit just to prove you’re not a quitter?”
If I know the pot is boiling, you’ll see these frog’s legs leap right out!
Then I realized running away might have some therapeutic benefits, despite what is said to the contrary. So, I’ll redirect and then reflect on the virtues of running away each week.
No Runaround
Every other Wednesday, you’ll get a newsletter that’ll include:
3 situations I’d like to run away from (you may be able to commiserate)
a narrative about how I’m using escapism to shapeshift—not into a werewolf or anything—into someone more transformed than traumatized
3 ways I’m distracting myself from my current problems using techniques, articles, or products that have helped me run wild with uplifting energy
a self-editing strategy that’ll give your story a bit more shine, if you’re trying to polish your own personal narrative
As I get back to writing on Substack, I’m finding many of these practices are lessening my chronic pain and anxiety.
Maybe they’ll help you, too. But medical disclaimer right here out in the open, I’m not a doctor and this doesn’t constitute any medical advice. I’m only here for the fun of it! So take what works for you and call your own doctor in the morning.
I do believe distractions can keep us from ruminating on our problems and provide an alternative route to live more fully. Or as the illustrious redhead Pippi Longstocking once said in Pippi on the Run, “Everyone who runs away comes home in the end.”
And that’s the real goal, isn’t it? To run away from our problems just long enough to be refreshed and renewed and to find our way back to our real selves. That’s my plan.
And just to be clear, this newsletter has nothing to do with encouraging anyone to take up *actual* running. I’m sure there are some terrific Substacks for runners, but you can exercise on your own time. As the adage goes, “If you see me running, you better run, too, because something’s chasing me.”
I hope to be a catalyst to help you find yourself again, even if you need to take the long way around to get there. So in the meantime…
Let’s run away together!
**Fingers crossed I get no more bad news and there’s no alien invasion—says the me who is so sick and tired of the writing setbacks she’s liable to continue penning narratives straight through a beam up to the mothership.
